You might be mistaken.
I recently read some comments on the blog and noticed that there are two groups of people who may be suffering from confidence issues and they don’t even realize it! Watch the video here or keep reading below it (or both!):
The two groups of people who mask a lack of confidence and masquerade around under a different name are Perfectionists and Procrastinators.
Perfectionists are ashamed of their mistakes. They do everything they can t prevent a mishap, covering all bases and spending ample 9too much) time lining their ducks in a row so that everything comes out perfectly.
The problem is life isn’t perfect. I have yet to find anything in this world without SOME sort of imperfection – and there’s something quite beautiful in that to me.
A perfectionist spends all of his or her life disappointed – maybe not when it comes to other people, but definitely when it comes to him or herself. The fact that nothing’s 100% perfect means everything they do is viewed as a failure. Even if they feel it was 99% perfect there’s still that nagging 1% that didn’t live up to their standards.
This type of confidence issue holds you back from succeeding in all areas of your life. You don’t ask the girl out until your life is perfect. You don’t go for the job until you have every credential imaginable. You don’t launch your website until you have the perfect theme, the perfect content, and the perfect SEO in place.
Life is deliciously messy and it’s how we grow and learn and thrive as people. Embrace it. Don’t shun it!
Procrastinators are similar creatures. But instead of working on things until they’re perfect, this type lovingly calls himself “lazy” and laughs about it. (I know – this described me in the past).
A procrastinator just puts it off until he or she is forced to move forward or finally does something against their will. They really have a low belief in themselves to complete the task with a positive attitude. They might dread the outcome. They might be focused on all of the negatives they’ll encounter instead of the great feeling they’ll have once it’s in their rearview mirror.
I know for me, I used laziness (a derogatory term I pretended to embrace) as a way to ward off my fear of the future! For example – my mentor always urged me to do video marketing. I “procrastinated” about it for TWO YEARS! I claimed it was the technical steps I didn’t want to learn – and I believed myself then – but looking back now, I know it went deeper.
I was worried that when I did master video marketing, I would have to USE it! No more relying on my excuse of not knowing HOW – I’d have to use it – put myself on camera for all the world to see. And what in the WORLD would that mentor urge me to do NEXT?
Maybe he’d urge me to speak at at a seminar in front of people LIVE! ACK!
I procrastinated and then one day did it and I love it now. My fears were unfounded.
Both Procrastinators and Perfectionists Hand Over Their Power to Others.
Whenever you don’t follow through on something because you have a fear of being judged (like the procrastinator and the perfectionist), you are allowing other people to steer your destiny for you!
The perfectionist who takes 3 months instead of 3 days to launch her website because she worries someone might scoff at her amateurish design is letting that rude IMAGINARY person delay her success for 90 days.
The procrastinator who “what ifs” herself to death because she doesn’t want to do something she can’t stand and then have to move on is lacking confidence because she knows someone is going to have an opinion about her accomplishment. It is MUCH safer to sit in your comfort zone and delay everything than it is to finish things up and move forward. I get that.
You need to ask yourself if you want to surrender control of your life to someone else just because they MIGHT not have a perfect view of you and your accomplishments!
Trust me – it’s not some “elite status” to be a perfectionist. It doesn’t mean you care more about your deliverables or events that unfold in your life. It just means you worry more than others about how they’ll be received.
You lack confidence.
And being a procrastinator isn’t funny or cute (I’ guilty of laughing – even BRAGGING about it). All it means is I don’t have enough courage – enough confidence – to push through obstacles I made up in my head and get through with something so I can move on to the next task in my life.
Dig down and see if confidence is wearing a mask by you called “perfectionist” or “procrastinator.” Then rip that mask off and expose it for what it really is so you can fight back against it and make progress in your life!
A truly amazing post that is absolutely right on! I would move forward but I procrastinate, lol.
LOL Heather!
I’m still a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m learning to let go of it. Especially when writing articles! Or else I’d never get anything done! Procrastinator? On a scale of 10, I’m about 15. I can sit and look at my living room rug for DAYS, planning to vacuum it. Then it takes five minutes when I finally actually DO it! Sigh. Spent more time thinking about doing it than it actually took to do it. There’s a lesson in there someplace!
Great blog post! You hit the nail right on the head with this one!
Thanks Darlene!
Tiffany,
I was just reading Barbara Sher’s book “Refuse to Choose” and she mentions that behind the facade of perfectionism we are most likely trying to avoid a critical voice, either from the past or an imagined one.
She says, “…[we] feel watched, so [we're] trying to be perfect.”
Basically what you said.
And I definitely agree. I commented to someone earlier today that I started off a perfectionist – I came home in tears and ready to quit school in 3rd grade because I got an A- on something and slowly progressed to being a procrastinator because that felt safer.
Both the perfectionist and the procastinator are allowing their power to be sidelined by someone else.
And I want access to and the courage to use all my own power!
An extremely insightful article Tiff and I think you have hit it on the head – I had that ah ha moment this week realising that I was procrastinating about doing stuff because of worrying about being judged. Not in a harsh judgmental way but in the sense of being good enough! I have done my absolute best with my writing and if I am not accepted, I don’t know what else I can do to improve!! Anyway, I keep thinking of your comment to “do it scared and do it anyway” which has helped me push through my fears this week and “do it” by submitting my 2 articles to Ezine Articles and CommentLuv.
Your blog and the comments made by the community make you look at yourself sometimes and it helps you to work out what is going on. So thanks to you and all the commenters
Everyone loves that quote. “Do it afraid – courage will come later.” I think it’s been adopted by many for this year’s 2012 motto.
Tiffany, when you create these videos (or any video) do you use a script? If not, how do you make sure you cover everything you think you need to cover? Just curious since I need to go to the next level and get going on creating some videos!
No I don’t write a script. i just jot down a bullet point word. For example this video had:
Perfectionist: ashamed, bases, disappointed
Procrastinator: low belief, magnifies, lazy
Both: Power
That’s all I needed in case I forgot one of the points I wanted to make.
“Do I want to surrender control of my life to someone else just because they MIGHT not have a perfect view of me and my accomplishments?”
Wowzer! That’s really giving a lot of credit to everyone else but me, isn’t it?
But I have a confession to make here:
I started to leave a comment to your post on WF the other night, but I declined to because the 3 of my sites that are listed in my WF profile area all look so similar to each other (all with the Suffusion theme that you have used here, oddly enough.) and I was afraid that you would click on them and think “bless her heart, she has no creativity whatsoever!”. lol
When you get up off the floor laughing, tell me I haven’t “surrendered control of my life to someone else! lol
Love this site already!
LOL Love it Jo Ann
And by the way, I LOVE plain themes because the focus is on the message – not the aesthetics 
What I great post. I think most of us tend to procastinate some. I know I certainly do at times. I need to give myself a kick in the rear sometime to get things done.Take Care
Me too Sam!
Well Tiff, you really reached in there and grabbed me where I live. Miss perfectionist. I don’t just never get stuff done, but I move forward in the very organized, nice looking, excellently done…. well, you get the idea. It’s tooooo everything.
I’ve always wanted to be more like someone who just plunges in. And you know, that’s just what I’m going to do now. I loved your description of “Life is deliciously messy…” I can take that on as a much better point of view.
I feel a sense of relief, like your words freed me from the restraints of perfectionism. Like you say, it’s not like I wake up tomorrow and it’s all gone. But I can act different every day and I’ll get there.
Thank you!!
Debbie
You’re welcome Debbie!
Tiffany,
I actually cringed reading the post because I fall under both sides. Can I tell you how many times, I’ve got back and edited my last post to make it sound a little better? We won’t even discuss how long it has taken for me to get a site up.
I owe you!
JW I know a bunch of people who are both too. Me? I’m just a procrastinator. LOL!
Hey Tiff,
I just realized something else. This is huge. An observation I’d made before, but never really knew what I was looking at. Until now.
I’d see other people, other companies doing tons of business, getting the cash flow, expanding and so on. But I’d think, hey, look at all this stuff they are doing wrong. Or, they could do this or that better. Or, gee, how can they get away with that quality.
You get the idea. They are not perfect, so how do they have the right to be successful. It’s not fair!
Guess why they are successful? They do more volume and they do it faster! I just realized that. And that’s exactly why they are successful.
I’d do “less” making sure it’s “right” and I’ll be the one that’s broke!
This is an ah-hah moment. lol
Debbie
Yes and that can be a fine line. You want to build a reputation of quality but guess what? maybe you ARE quality to many people as is. For instance – my brown couch cushions. Remember that woman who berated me for making videos with brown couch cushions? To her, I was sub-standard. To others, they like that I’m comfy sitting on my ugly couch, unafraid. So just recognize that your stuff you put out as is is perfect for some people out there. My mom struggles with this too, always thinking her writing needs improvement when I know thousands of people who would chew off their arm to write like she does.
OUCH!!! That hit home. Hmmm…better think about this one. (I’m a procrastinator and hate being that way.)
This shining a light on ourselves can be uncomfortable sometimes lol
Your message was right on the money today. I definitely have issues with both procrastination AND being a perfectionist. Both hold me back from announcing my new membership site – in the making. Both are preventing me from releasing more PLR, etc.
I have my 5-packs done for week 1 and week 2 of the 365-day challenge. Do you want to guess where they are right now? Yep, on my hard drive because I’m afraid they are not “ready” to release to my list.
Yesterday, I outlined an article about WordPress for the Ghostbloggers.net site you mentioned. I guarantee it would be an awesome article about building communities because I have ample experience in this department. I’ve built and operated several online communities over the years that were very active. One attracted over 10,000 members!
However, I have not finished the article for Ghostbloggers.net! In fact, I still have the window open on the sign up form! I have not clicked the Register Now button. I guess I’m contemplating the idea of whether my writing would actually sell from that site.
I seriously have issues and sitting here writing this they sound so trivial. Still, I can’t seem to move forward because of my past and that voice inside me echoing the words “others are better than you” so be still.
As for my membership site, I installed earlier this week and placed a video on it to attract people to my sign up form. NOW, this means I put one foot forward to get it started and I know I should be happy about it, but now I am paralyzed. I don’t know what to do next. Should I create the second video in the free series, write articles to advertise it, or work on tweaking the design?
I think one of my problems is that I don’t have a 1,2, 3 guidebook that says after you make the site, do this, this and this.
I think I wish a lot that you would release a step by step guide on how to put all these things together. If you have something like that – let me know!
You got me! I have been guilty of both but now am determined to launch out. I created my first free and paid product! I have found tons of typos…
So, glad my kids know more than me…they are proofreading my stuff. I speak two languages and sometimes my brain entangles itself…
I created a video where I put adios instead of audios.
Thanks so much for exposing me and helping me get a good visual as to what I have been up against.
Thanks so much, Tiff
Oh that might be a problem for me if I knew two languages as well! Scary. Glad you have your kids to help you